Raptors and Your Pitiful Survival Attempts..

Grab a gun, immediately eaten by raptor.

The Raptors call the equivalent of the Ghost Busters in raptor form, and they kill you by crossing the beams.

I hide in a floating tower with an magnetic field designed to stop raptors surrounding it.

The raptors nuke your flying fortress.

I will sit in a vacuum tube for the rest of my years.

You die from lack of oxygen.

I call Chuck Norris to break the laws of phyics.

_Shadowcat_ wrote:

You die from lack of oxygen.

I call Chuck Norris to break the laws of phyics.

Chuck Norris Changes sides and into his raptor form to kill and devour you.
I set up base in Antarctica where it is too cold for the raptors to live.

Global Warming instated by the Raptors to make the planet more suitable melts Antarctica, and your base slides into the sea. Water borne raptors consume you.

Instead of trying to survive, I hijack the Large Hadron Collider in an attempt to make a black hole.

You end up making several black holes, but they dissipate in a fraction of a nanosecond. You are eaten by Chuck Norris.

I build an interstellar spacecraft and begin a journey to another system, frozen in cryo.

The raptors hunt you down, in their much faster hunting ships, before you can leave the system. They then board your ship and decided to cryo themselves to a day before you exit cryo. Upon leaving cryo, you are surrounded by the raptors and eaten on their new colony world that you gave them a ride to. Good job, raptors are now everywhere.
I climb to the top of Mount Everest and set up a base.

Raptors with human-hide coats (which are quite warm) find you and kill you. They eat your intestines, and use your skin for a handbag.


The impending raptor threat causes me to lose control and I unleash Mackeroth into the world. He protects me with his super strength and fire. We fly away to Hawaii and claim the island as our own (burning or mauling everything that disagrees), where we are free to live out the rest of our days in peace. That is also my plan for a zombie apocalypse (in case anyone is interested).


If anyone gives me a stupid response, I'll use you as bait for the raptors.

Mackeroth dies of bubonic plague. You soon follow.

I go to the Sears Tower and seal off all the doors to the highest floor, where I will live.

The raptors use paratroops with bombs to blow up the the highest floor

I'm using a time machine to hide in the past.

Raptors plant C-4 charges all over the base of the tower, and detonate them, causing you to dies because the tower falls.

I explode the Yttrium portals leading to Earth, and have the dimension between Earth and Cuuyth covered in chlorine gas, and liquid bromine, and then have it reinforced with 50 million owl soldiers, all given hyper advanced anti-raptor weapons and advanced anti-raptor fighting skills, as well as gas masks and anti-chlorine full body armor.

You find that the suits given to the owls are faulty and your regime is ended by you having a heart attack, the Strontium portals all but disappearing from Earth's dimension, but not before millions of raptors equipped with anti-owl technology and flamethrowers flood through to annihilate your entire race.

I use war refugees as meatshields as I build a bunker miles into the Earth's mantle.

The raptors overwhelm your bunker through creative use of captured nuclear weaponry.

I run through the Yttrium portals, through multiple dimensions, having the ones I have passed through detonated, as well as all others in the dimension, by millions of owls.

The owls die of bubonic plague and you are overwhelmed by the raptors catching up to you.

I retreat to the ISS, the raptors have no means of space travel.

They use High-Altitude SAM missiles to shoot down the space station. You burn up in the atmosphere. Roasted human, yum.

I use a gravitational tether to pull the Earth into the Sun.

The raptors reverse your tether, throwing you (and it) into deep space. Human popsicle, yum.

I summon a zombie army to fight the raptors for me, and sit back to watch.

Your zombies catch the bubonic plague and spread it to you, killing you horribly. On the upside, the raptors have succumbed to it as well.

I strap myself to a tank of mustard gas

Raptors are immune to mustard gas, you die

I climb to the very top of the dark tower, overthrowing the crimson king in the process, and attempt to open a doorway to the primary universe.

You are still trying when the raptors catch up.

I freeze myself in a cryo tube and proceed to fling it out into deep space.

You keep floating around for eternity (srsly what did you expect will happen? ). I replicate myself infinite amount of times, so many that the raptors will explode trying to eat all of my clones.

There are millions of raptors, and they find and eat all of your clones, then you.

I set up a fortress with automated defenses and a lifetime's supply of...supplies (again), and begin setting up an orbital laser satellite net.

You catch bubonic plague and die within three days.

I weaponize anthrax to only work on Raptors and unleash it on the world.

The raptors are immune. You still die.

I cure the bubonic plague (with Raptor immune systems) and rebuild my fortress in orbit.

You catch the bubonic plague and die, because it is uncurable. What you actually cured was cancer, which raptors are immune to.

I hide in a metal bawx with four airholes, a replicator, and four birds.